| | All the more I try, all the more i get disappointed. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| it is raining crazy outside. A big storm came in yesterday, causing a lot of hassle for the bay area commuters. Hopefully the heavy rains leave by today.
I am scheduled to go to the body shop to get an estimate for the broken window that the burglars left me with. I thinking though to just do it on monday when the weather gets better. I don't want to drive that far with this heavy rains. It really sucks thinking that i have to spend 500 dollars for the mess with the car. At least the insurance agent said that it will cover for the stereo that was stolen as well. It makes me feel a little bit better knowing that i would have a radio back in my car.
I am here all alone at the apartment. Being alone could be sad and lonely. I only have myself and i keep thinking what i can do with myself. I don't know.... Maybe i would do some cleaning, vacuum and play with the cat. Oh, i have three movies on my list to watch today. That should keep me occupied.
I must set today as my "me"day. I have been working over time's for the last couple of weeks. It was tiring but i'm glad it was over. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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Sa paghahanap ng pwedeng maisulat at mapag usapan, eto ang nahanap kong pwedeng maibalita ngayon. Opo, mga kaibigan. Isang magaling na nilalang ang bumasag at ninakawan ako habang naka park kagabi ang kotse ko.
They took the stereo and my ipod. When things like this happen, you just feel you are violated as a person. You don't understand why people would get into such petty crime for really nothing. This thing will cost me a fortune to have the window repaired.
Just when you told yourself that your number one new year's resolution is to SAVE. Something always comes up to spend on something. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am watching Day After Tomorrow. It made me think what the future will really bring. I wonder what this coming year will bring me. Has it been eight years already since we entered the 2000's?
This year i should work on a couple of things that should be my top priority. I need to work on my relationship with my mother. I don't have a bad relationship with her, but i cannot say that i have a strong relationship with her. I don't really get to talk to my parents often. I just want to improve on our relationship before it gets too late. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I should try to blog more. I read a lot of blogs, I envy how others can articulately put their thoughts down. I can hardly do it on my blog. I think I let so many things distract me. I have a million of things going on most of the time. I don't seem to have that special "moment" with myself. A moment where I can take a couple of minutes and just focus with myself so I can connect and write down thoughts.
I should write more....
I should set more goals and work on it...
Watch more movies ( NETFLIX hopefully helps).
Read more books (2 books a month)
Exercise (3 times a week)
Cook
Travel
That's it for now.... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I have semi-moved into the apartment. I am not used to the feeling of being all alone when I am off from work. It was my first night to be all alone, it was different.
I think this move could potentially be good for me. I can be with my own self. I don't have to be pulled everywhere by so many things. I think I could get used to this.
For my first night what did I do?
a. take out dinner
b. amazing race asia marathon
c. talked to with my partner not stressed.
d. slept and woke up not worrying about others maybe waking up.
I finally moved out and I am trying to live as independently I can. In a couple of months L and I will be moving in together. I think it is fit and proper that I try to live with myself first before I start thinking of settling down with another person.
This is exciting! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i want to write about how noisy it is inside my head. i hear fragments of thoughts, flashes of rapid firing of ideas. I want to control it. i want to have full control of what i think or what thoughts comes into my head. But i can't. I have such no power over my mind.
My mind is playing with me again. i can't think straight. i cannnot finish a thought without being distracted by another thought. What is this, do other people experience such? or does another person understand me when i say these things?
I feel i am OK. i still get enough sleep, that should technically mean that i am not manic nor am i depressed. would meditation quiet me down?. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I was diagnosed to be bipolar 3 years ago. The other day, the psychiatrist who has been seeing me told me that she will be moving to another place and will no longer be able to take care of my case.
I don't know, but i felt sad, I want to shed tears. Tears of lost. I felt like she had been there for me. She was the one person that i was comfortable opening up how dark i feel at times in my life. The last 3 years, she helped me to become accepting of myself. To an extent, i can call her my PAID FRIEND. I pay her, she render the best service that she can. But i felt other than that, she was a friend. She listened to me, she was honest no matter what.
Now, i feel that i am losing somebody. I felt like a part of me will be going away with her. I feel emotional. I wish that she did not have to go. I feel like a piece of me that was discovered with my psychiatrist is going to be forgotten so soon. It seemed like that the journey will have to end so soon. She seemed to be one of my few witness about my struggles to be bettter, my struggle to recover.
Now, i will become another nameless person in the eyes of a new doctor. I say goodbye to you Sonya, you have been a great doctor to me. You have showed compassion and devotion to me.
I will truly be grateful for your help. For working with me to find the best medicine that i can. You have been my witness...i truly thank you. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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red234's journal
