it is raining crazy outside. A big storm came in yesterday, causing a lot of hassle for the bay area commuters. Hopefully the heavy rains leave by today.
I am scheduled to go to the body shop to get an estimate for the broken window that the burglars left me with. I thinking though to just do it on monday when the weather gets better. I don't want to drive that far with this heavy rains. It really sucks thinking that i have to spend 500 dollars for the mess with the car. At least the insurance agent said that it will cover for the stereo that was stolen as well. It makes me feel a little bit better knowing that i would have a radio back in my car.
I am here all alone at the apartment. Being alone could be sad and lonely. I only have myself and i keep thinking what i can do with myself. I don't know.... Maybe i would do some cleaning, vacuum and play with the cat. Oh, i have three movies on my list to watch today. That should keep me occupied.
I must set today as my "me"day. I have been working over time's for the last couple of weeks. It was tiring but i'm glad it was over.
Sa paghahanap ng pwedeng maisulat at mapag usapan, eto ang nahanap kong pwedeng maibalita ngayon. Opo, mga kaibigan. Isang magaling na nilalang ang bumasag at ninakawan ako habang naka park kagabi ang kotse ko.
They took the stereo and my ipod. When things like this happen, you just feel you are violated as a person. You don't understand why people would get into such petty crime for really nothing. This thing will cost me a fortune to have the window repaired.
Just when you told yourself that your number one new year's resolution is to SAVE. Something always comes up to spend on something.
I am watching Day After Tomorrow. It made me think what the future will really bring. I wonder what this coming year will bring me. Has it been eight years already since we entered the 2000's?
This year i should work on a couple of things that should be my top priority. I need to work on my relationship with my mother. I don't have a bad relationship with her, but i cannot say that i have a strong relationship with her. I don't really get to talk to my parents often. I just want to improve on our relationship before it gets too late.
I should try to blog more. I read a lot of blogs, I envy how others can articulately put their thoughts down. I can hardly do it on my blog. I think I let so many things distract me. I have a million of things going on most of the time. I don't seem to have that special "moment" with myself. A moment where I can take a couple of minutes and just focus with myself so I can connect and write down thoughts.
I should write more.... I should set more goals and work on it... Watch more movies ( NETFLIX hopefully helps). Read more books (2 books a month) Exercise (3 times a week) Cook Travel
I have semi-moved into the apartment. I am not used to the feeling of being all alone when I am off from work. It was my first night to be all alone, it was different.
I think this move could potentially be good for me. I can be with my own self. I don't have to be pulled everywhere by so many things. I think I could get used to this.
For my first night what did I do?
a. take out dinner b. amazing race asia marathon c. talked to with my partner not stressed. d. slept and woke up not worrying about others maybe waking up.
I finally moved out and I am trying to live as independently I can. In a couple of months L and I will be moving in together. I think it is fit and proper that I try to live with myself first before I start thinking of settling down with another person.
i want to write about how noisy it is inside my head. i hear fragments of thoughts, flashes of rapid firing of ideas. I want to control it. i want to have full control of what i think or what thoughts comes into my head. But i can't. I have such no power over my mind.
My mind is playing with me again. i can't think straight. i cannnot finish a thought without being distracted by another thought. What is this, do other people experience such? or does another person understand me when i say these things?
I feel i am OK. i still get enough sleep, that should technically mean that i am not manic nor am i depressed. would meditation quiet me down?.
I was diagnosed to be bipolar 3 years ago. The other day, the psychiatrist who has been seeing me told me that she will be moving to another place and will no longer be able to take care of my case.
I don't know, but i felt sad, I want to shed tears. Tears of lost. I felt like she had been there for me. She was the one person that i was comfortable opening up how dark i feel at times in my life. The last 3 years, she helped me to become accepting of myself. To an extent, i can call her my PAID FRIEND. I pay her, she render the best service that she can. But i felt other than that, she was a friend. She listened to me, she was honest no matter what.
Now, i feel that i am losing somebody. I felt like a part of me will be going away with her. I feel emotional. I wish that she did not have to go. I feel like a piece of me that was discovered with my psychiatrist is going to be forgotten so soon. It seemed like that the journey will have to end so soon. She seemed to be one of my few witness about my struggles to be bettter, my struggle to recover.
Now, i will become another nameless person in the eyes of a new doctor. I say goodbye to you Sonya, you have been a great doctor to me. You have showed compassion and devotion to me.
I will truly be grateful for your help. For working with me to find the best medicine that i can. You have been my witness...i truly thank you.
kanina pa ako gising. baket ba laging hanggang anim na oras lang ang tulog ko. siguro dapat mas late ako matulog kesa sa 10, dapat mahiga ako ng mga alas dose para hanggang alas-otso ang tulog ko .
I think of so many things, my thoughts are just racing. I have flights of ideas, I find it difficult to control when it starts to shoot to 100 mph. I just have this rush of thoughts that at times it overwhelms me truly. With all the ideas i have in my head, i end up jumping from one thought to the other.
Alas kwatro ng madaling araw, nagasing na ako. Paano ba naman yung mga tao sa baba ang ingay ingay na. Di na tuloy ako makabalik sa tulog ko. Ganon ako lately, parang ang babaw lagi ng tulog ko. Hinde ko nga alam kung dahil ba yun sa gamot na ini inom ko. Sabi sa mga lista ng side effect ay pagka-antok naman, pero ewan ko, di naman yun ang naging kaso ko. Pero hinde talagang nakaka bulahaw ang kapitbahay.
Ano pa kaya ang pwede kong magawa sa agang ito. Pihadong di na ako makakabalik sa pagka tulog. Mamamayang sa kalagitanaan ng araw ako aantukin. Mabuti wala akong pasok sa trabaho.
Sabado ngayon, ang plano kong gawin ay:
a. samahan ang akong tita para maipagawa ang kanyang computer.
b. humananp ng telepono pang palit sa nabasago kong unit.
c. maghanap ng pang regalo kay T para sa bday niya bukas.
You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can
You can reach me by sail boat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope Take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine You can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can
There are hills and mountains between us Always something to get over If I had my way, surely you would be closer I need you closer
You can windsurf into my life, take me up on a carpet ride You can make it in a big balloon, but you better make it soon You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can
I don't care how you get here, just -- get here if - you can
If you wait for me then Ill come for you Although Ive traveled far I always hold a place for you in my heart If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile Then Ill return to you Ill return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace Ill find my way back to you If youll be waiting If you dream of me like I dream of you In a place thats warm and dark In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace Ill find my way back to you If youll be waiting Ive longed for you and I have desired To see your face your smile To be with you wherever you are
Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace Ill find my way back to you If youll be waiting Ive longed for you and I have desired To see your face, your smile To be with you wherever you are
Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace Ill find my way back to you Please say youll be waiting
Together again It would feel so good to be In your arms Where all my journeys end If you can make a promise if its one that you can keep, I vow to come for you If you wait for me and say youll hold A place for me in your heart.
I Will Never Find Another Lover Sweeter Than You Sweeter Than You And I Will Never Find Another Lover More Precious Than You More Precious Than You Girl You Are.. Close To Me You're Like My Mother, Close To Me You're Like My Father, Close To Me You're Like My Sister, Close To Me You're Like My Brother And You Are The Only One My Everything And For You This Song I Sing....
All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You And I Thank God That I..That I Finally Found You All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
I'd Send You All That I'm Thinking Of........Baby
Said I Promise To Never Fall In Love With A Stranger You're All I'm Thinking Of I Praise The Lord Above For Sending Me Your Love I Cherish Every Hug I Really Love You
All My Life (Ohhhh..Baby, Baby) I Prayed For Someone Like You And I Thank God That I...That I Finally Found You All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
You're All That I Ever Know, When You Smile All My Face Always Seems To Glow, You Turned My Life Around, You Picked Me Up When I Was Down, You're All That I've Ever Known, When You Smile My Face Glows You Picked Me Up When I Was Down Say...You're All That I've Ever Known When You Smile My Face Glows You Picked Me Up When I Was Down And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
And All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You And I Thank God That I..That I Finally Found You All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You And I Thank God That I ..That I Finally Found You All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
(Fading) And All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You And I Thank God That I...That I Finally Found You.....
It has been really crazy the last couple of months. I think since September i have been really busy with a lot of things. At first it was good that i got the promotion, i felt that after 5 years of working my ass out, I can finally say that i have achieved the goal that i have set for myself when I first started.
But assuming the position now and doing the functions of it, I am starting to miss the other job that i used to do. Truly i miss being just a plain doting yaya to the kids that i have. I miss the constant interaction, being part of their lives. I miss being there to teach them how to cook, to do their laundry, go and do grocery list, go out on outings. As many would say,to work in a residential facilities is to defines ones self as a care giver.
To call one's own self as a care giver, is probably to admit that I fall under the job spectrum of being a Yaya. So, what is really so wrong about that?. Where is this stigma coming from?. I don't know. I personally never have an issue with the job i do. I never have any issues about the integrity that I give my job. Even now, people still ask me, hoy Marie ano ginagawa mo?. balita ko yaya ka na dyan. I don't think of that as offensive...but it makes me think why people get so bothered by that idea.
Well, i really care less about how others think. But, what i am most concerned about is, the stigma that goes together for filipinos that is willing to to be yaya and how that translates to their performance working for autistic children.
See, the nature of my job is to manage facilities for 18 individuals with developmental disabilities. We primarily cater to autistic children, that have behavioral challenges, most of the case are dual diagnoses or even multiple diagnoses. As we all know, 90 percent of those who are diagnosed as Autistic, have social integration issues, Extreme mal-adaptive behaviors, learning disabilities so on and so forth. With all these given challenges, most of the children are removed from their families because of the lack of ability to put their best interest ahead of the extreme challenges family face in dealing and accepting them.
They are then brought to us, because as a residential facility we provide that environment where it is tailored and adapted to the needs of that person that have special needs. We are an agency, an alternative placement where the highest provisional care there is imaginable can be provided. The school program only teaches them academic stuff, reading,counting writing. Residential Group homes are designed to teach just like any school Life Skills.
It is not easy to find people who can care for them and love them. Years of experience taught me that us filipinos, are gifted in these industry. As a group of people we are able to give love and care and attention so devotedly. We love to nurture, we love with such unconditional hearts. From the loving that we give, there was really no other way but for that love to transform another person.
But, the biggest challenge that i have come to face also, is translating that love, care and devotion into a more structured, more professional manner. More scientific i should say. We are so good in that emotional empathy, but why do we have such strong aversion in using behavioral or scientific strategies. To love is important, but that is one major componenet of the job. Now I am faced with that question...
Kaya ba ganito kahirap magturo ay dahil ang pagtingin nila sa trabaho ay simpleng pag-yaya lamang?. I do not see anything wrong about embracing and owning that term pag ya-ya. But to box ones self into that definition is to also stop attempting to seek or to desire for a higher pursuit of learning. To love and to care is not all that there is. We have to implement behavior programs, we have to be a firm believers that to collect data samples and to establish baselines are strong representations of how we can solve future or present problems. We need to learn to read antecedents of behaviors and blah....and blahh....
All that is clear and important to me is that, i know that my job is to CREATE OPPORTUNITIES. If there is anything that constantly comes out of my mouth everyday is that line. We are tasked to create meaningful opportunities for these children.
By birth they were not given that natural ability to create things for themselves. But by destiny and advancement in civil liberties, everybody is endowed by that right to have as much opportunities as any other person.
I creat opportunities....My job is to replicate human settings in a facility that is highly controlled, organized by strict structure so they can be trained to adapt, to give comfort that they have done this task a million times before and they can do it one more time.
Creating oppportunities has been a very big philosophy of my life. I don't just think that we provide opportunities for the children. But also, through this job our workers are given opportunities to live their lives a little bit better if they were somewhere else. We are able to give opportunities to make things happen for themselves.
dapat sana mag-po-post ako. Kaso,napadaldal ako kay Nicnic. Di bale, tsaka na yung isa kong alaala. maganda na naka-kwentuhan ko si nic-nic, dati kong kasama sa JVP. I have fond memories of her, reminds me a lot that great year. salamat kapatid.
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